“A Change Would Do You Good”

Sheryl Crow may be right, but right now–could we stop having so many changes?  In the span of two weeks, I temporarily shut down my business and my new cabaret show is indefinitely postponed.  Those were the main parts of my life, so in a way a lot of my life has seemed indefinitely postponed.  The first thing I remembered as the COVID-19 epidemic escalated was to continue and even more practice grounding myself (connecting with the earth, feeling its support, it still has us even though everything seems completely messed up and doesn’t make sense), breathing and meditation, therapy, and self-reiki (anyone who is level 1 can do this).  Reaching out to people–I’ve been more social in the past two weeks than in the past two years, connecting–I found a performer’s group online where we talk and uplift each other.  Helping out others:  donating to organizations, sending Venmo payments to artist and bartender friends who are struggling, posting encouraging thoughts and cute cat pictures on Facebook.  

It’s a struggle, though.  I get depressed.  There are times when I don’t want to do anything.  Sometimes I do some of the above, sometimes I sleep all day.  I’d love to say that I’m some super-evolved human that has this all down, but I don’t.  And all of our feelings are valid.  I have a right to feel disappointed that the two of the things that mean the most of to me.  I have a right to be frightened for my friends who are out of work.  I am frightened when I hear about my friends who have gotten sick.  It’s scary right now.  It’s ok to feel that and be where you are right now.  Just don’t get stuck.  Find routines and things to do (I’m learning Polish on Duolingo right now; I make sure I practice my singing every day).  Talk with your therapist if you have one or reach out to close friends if you don’t.  I have included some recommendations of books and activities to help as well.

We’re going to get through this.  The earth is still supporting us, even though everything is crazy right now.

Remembering To Play

Life can get so serious very quickly. Can I pay my bills? Will I succeed at my job? Do I have to do this all on my own? Am I doing this right? What if I fail? Will I be loved? Are we safe? It’s easy to get caught up in all these worries and more and forget the essentials. This earth has got us and supports us; AND even when everything seems chaotic and doesn’t make sense life is meant to be enjoyed and shouldn’t be taken so seriously.

This picture was taken of me on Christmas Day at Central Park. I never forgot how much I loved swinging, but this was the first time I had done it in a long time. For about ten to fifteen minutes, I felt free, no worries; I was just having fun (kids came around, so I left). It’s hard to keep up that feeling on a day to day basis, but I try to whenever I can. I do one fun, silly thing (whether it’s getting an vanilla ice cream cone with sprinkles, go to a movie, cook, play shoelaces with my cat, sing out loud wherever I am) whenever I can and it reminds me that life’s not so serious; And that fun is not just for kids, but something that each one of us deserves.

It doesn’t mean that my life won’t have trials or struggles–quite the contrary–joy is the combination of happiness and pain. But for a few moments daily, I can remind myself that it’s not all struggle and happiness is available.